posted: 2024-10-08
I Am Not Obsessed With My Job, it's Just Something I Do
I Hate LinkedIn and I'm Not Going to Hide it Anymore
I got an email this morning from my colleague, asking me to fill out a survey asking me how I felt about being a person in my chosen industry. I answered the survey questions since, y'know, someone has to answer them all, but I reached the question: "Where do I see myself in 10 years?". I wrote a joke answer "Definitely not in graduate school", but I paused. I thought about this more. Genuinely, where do I see myself in ten years? It's a question I've never had a good answer to, that's for sure. The survey itself aimed to answer questions related to why certain folks choose to leave their field after spending time getting a kind of higher education there. I gave it some thought and after a bit I realized it: I am not obsessed with my job, it's just something I do.
And then afterwards, I opened my next email. From LinkedIn. About how there are all these jobs I'd be a perfect match for. Based on what I posted on LinkedIn. "Stand out to recruited when you apply to a top applicant job". No. Shut up. Shut up!
I hate LinkedIn and everything it represents. I hate the idea of having a social media entirely dedicated to white collar jobbing. I hate the fact that it feels like in order to "get ahead" in a career, you have to establish your own personal brand on bullshit corporate-Facebook. I want to be extremely clear here: I do not hate you for using LinkedIn, I hate that you and I both are in a system that mandates checking LinkedIn once a day. I hate that you think that your entire being should revolve around the next thing you put on LinkedIn. I hate that I worry about not posting on LinkedIn. I hate that I give off the impression that I don't care about the field I'm in BECAUSE I don't champion it on LinkedIn.
And you know what? I'm NOT obsessed with nuclear science, nuclear energy, nuclear physics, etc. I love doing nuclear science for my day job, I love to research minute intricacies of how photons interact with matter, I love talking about how cool it is that we have such a powerful and clean energy source at our fingertips when it comes up in conversation. But I also really enjoy playing video games, and running, and watching CBS Reality TV game shows, and making videos, and writing, and reading, and experiencing a warm summers day, and taking photos of flowers and bees and public toilets that have fallen over in storms. I am a nuclear scientist, but I do not dream of photons.
I never want to be defined as a person who's only fascination in life was a single thing. I understand that this desire makes me hard to put into the "easy-to-understand marketable character" box, but at this point, I do not care. I'm tired of feeling like I need to be some kind of monomaniacal hyper-fixated freak whose only interest is the one thing that will make him money. To hell with that. I'll say it again, to hell with that notion. I understand that there are people out there in the world who are like that, who are willing, able, and need to make thing about the singular thing they are interested in. I get it, there are people out there who are willing to go deep deep deep on a singular topic and put something out into the world that is designed to educate and inform. I think that's wonderful! I think it's superb and I'm glad that they are doing this. I cannot do this. I do not want to do this. I thought I did, but I do not. I do not want my presence online to be defined by a singular passion. Hell, I don't want my life offline to be defined by a singular passion.
So when I go on LinkedIn and all I see are people posting about the same exact shit about how they love doing these little career-booster workshops and how they had a magical time with it, I just want to extend my fingers into my eye sockets and pull as hard as I can. Why the FUCK can random "people" on LinkedIn message me to "to share this personal invitation with you to form a team to participate in the GoAERO Prize." or something like that. "Interested in learning more?" NO. FUCK OFF. "I'm thrilled to share that I don't give a shit about anything I see on LinkedIn or how it made you grow as a person! Thank you so much to everyone who helped me come to this conclusion!"
Then there's this motherfucker:
Look at it, staring you in the face, daring you to try and write anything, knowing full well you can't write for shit. "Let me write this for you! Everyone will love it!", it whispers in your ear. And you know full well that the moment you give into the AI content slop machine everyone else out there will happily gorge themselves on it, begging for third helpings by the time they're done with their second scroll of the day. Why the hell should anyone give a shit about something I didn't write? Why should anyone desire to read something that no one wrote? Why should anyone care about anything a computer sucking energy off the grid which could instead be used to provide aid to hurricane victims writes about white-collar bullshit?
Because we're stuck in the fucking game, that's why.
That's right, I'm stuck here. I'm sooooo fucking entrenched in the virtuous guise of social media. I have worn the mask for so long I cannot peel it away. Social media is hell and LinkedIn is the eighth. I am a fraud when I am on LinkedIn. I think most people are. If you're not, are you sure? Can you really be sure that you aren't just another goddamn cog in the machine? Fuck you, and eat shit if you find joy in posting on LinkedIn, your'e the worst. You're the problem, you keep me shackled to this fucking miserable swath of "insightful" posts. I wish I could shitpost on LinkedIn without hurting my fucking career, dude. You're upset I wrote this? Good. At least I wrote it all with my own ten fingers.
My feelings about LinkedIn do not reflect the quality of my work. I do great work, I'm literally doing cool fucking work every single day. I wake up, get dressed, go into the lab, do cutting edge research, go home, do literally anything else, and then I go to bed. You know what I don't do? Post on LinkedIn every single day. I will let my work speak for myself, I do not need to aimlessly spam people's feeds with half-assed mindless nonsensical slop. If I'm going to "make content" about my work it's gong to be on my terms, not on the terms of white-collar expectations. And if you don't like it, go post about it on LinkedIn where maybe ten people will react with a "congratulations" and then never think about you ever again. Go become another piece of white noise.
I am not obsessed with my work, it's just what I do. I will not put on a facade when I talk about what I do (provided these details aren't export controlled). I will not pretend like I want to work in this field ten years from now if I cannot speak that as truthfully as possible, and I sure as heck won't post about it publicly on LinkedIn for all of the world to scroll past with a glazed expression on their face.
Maybe I'll scream about this later, but this hatred of mine stems from a large root problem: the idea of self-presentation and moderation at all times. Maybe a thing to explore at another time, the idea of the cultural panopticon. Whatever. I just want to live without the fear of the rest of the world judging me. Thanks for taking the time to listen to my hateful screeches.